Fetching some tallboys from my corner bodega at 3AM, I stumbled across a periodical advertising a new convention in town! As long-time readers of the PAI know, I have a fascination with quack cranks and exploitative conventions that are scamming the public, such as Stanford’s “Pandemic Policy” playdate for anti-vaccine cranks. So let us dig into the quackery of “New Life: Magazine & Expo is Back: For Those Who Want to Make a Change” - featuring a “Sound Healing” expert, and an “Energy Healing” expert on the cover. They also promise “biohacking,” which I assumed was about shoving computer chips under your skin. If you sign up early, you can receive a free “sound bath healing” session.
The next page features an ad for “the evolution of energy healing,” abusing a Star Trek font and an AI-generated graphic of a naked lady walking through a portal: “Remember your soul’s mission here...reclaim your stellar birthright.” This feels like it’s exploiting gullible people’s insecurities. Human beings for far too long have fantasized about having some sort of mystical, all-powerful energy within them to call upon. “Chi,” or “The Force,” or whatever nonsense lets you palm fireballs at an underpaid barista that gets your order wrong.
Finally, we can skim the introduction, and these typos, of which this rag are absolutely riffled with, are not mine:
“The NewLife Expo in New York has been a staple...where thousand of people looking to expand their life can meet each other. Are you someone who prefers to follow the crowd or do you embark on a journey of self-discovery and embrace the path of exploration? NewLife consciousness is for those who embody the spirit of trendsetters and adventurers, always open open to diverse possibilities and eager to unlock their maximum potential.”
This is an odd contradiction, as a convention is technically a form of “crowd.”
The next page is an advertisement for wheatgrass shots. My senior advisory staff of elite doctors & scientists has informed me that this is “quackery but probably harmless.” Thankfully, I’m neither a cow nor a goat, so I think I’ll be passing.
Following that features a woman who promises “No More Suffering,” that publishes the same headshot of herself twice, reflected back and forth, but right next to each other. She is offering a talk where she spills out her entire life story to help sell “personalized coaching” as well as “holistic protocols, fermented enzymes, peptide bioregulators, and DNA-repairing solutions” that hints at a conspiracy theory that vaccines “damage” your DNA. Concerning.
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